10 ways to make it big in the diet industry

The number of ‘experts’ in the lucrative diet industry is mind-boggling. All of these food gurus peddle their own diets and espouse very specific, often contradictory ways of eating. The list of confusing philosophies is endless: gluten-free, fructose-free, low carb, high fat, juice cleanses and even ‘bulletproofing’ your coffee. And there are big bucks involved. So, how does one make it big in the diet industry? What qualities and attributes do you need to succeed? Here’s a helpful guide to making it rich in the diet industry. Ethics are optional. 

1) Be famous

Being famous on the silver screen, or even on TV, shouldn’t make someone an authority on nutrition, but these days it seems to be a given. Why bother getting a nutrition degree when all you need is to be in the limelight.

2) Be good looking

Having ocean blue eyes and pearly whites can work wonders.

3) Don’t have a Nutritional Science degree? Don’t worry

Pfft. Who needs to go to university these days for a minimum of four years to tell people what to eat! See points 1 and 2 for inspiration.

4) Sell ‘educational material’

Here’s how to rake in some hard-earned cash in return for your expertise. Sell books, recipes, how-to-guides, motivational quotes… Whatever, really. Just brand it, flog it for a fair sum and watch the money roll on in. You’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

5) Endorse supplements

Align yourself with a company selling magic elixirs, exotic herbs and expensive protein powders to earn a mint. You’ll be even more successful if you can make wild claims about their health benefits. Remember, the more outlandish the better, something like: “Garcinia Cambogia healed my leaky gut syndrome and cured my adrenal fatigue. It’s a miracle in a bottle.”

6) Use words like wellness, detoxifying, clean eating and superfoods

Talk of superfoods, detoxification and wellness is bound to make people prick up their ears. You don’t even need to know what they mean. Better yet, encourage your followers to disregard comments from the medical fraternity and dietitians who outrageously claim that the liver, kidneys and other bodily systems help to detoxify our system. What would they know anyway!

7) Blame one food group or nutrient for all our health issues

Find a scapegoat that is to blame for all our health problems. You just need to choose any food, food group or nutrient as your own exclusive nutritional demon. Then you can also market lots of ‘XXXX-free’ food and make a killing. It’s genius!

8) Use testimonials

Ask your mother/grandmother/girlfriend/primary school teacher/brother’s best mate’s aunt to vouch for you. Don’t underestimate the power of the anecdote.

9) Add a time limit e.g. a 12-week challenge

Don’t talk about meaningful change in the long term. That’s madness. Promise gratification in the short term. That’s WAY more realistic. Promise everything, including the kitchen sink, in 8-12 weeks and you’ll quickly have an army of passionate and devoted supporters in your corner.

10) Be controversial

Accuse your opponents of being in the pockets of the pharmaceutical industry, being outdated or aligning themselves with ‘health’ foundations. But don’t ever get caught debating them. They’ll be sure to use fancy terms like, “evidence” and “research”. Just bat your eyelids and flash those pearly whites because that is definitely going to convince people that you are trustworthy and credible.

So there you have it, your complete guide to becoming rich and famous on the back of false promises and dodgy science. I’ll drink a glass of aloe vera juice with goji berry extract and cayenne pepper to toast your impending success. Cheers to that!